What the Future Holds for Godly Women
Being around a new convert can be an extremely encouraging experience. For those like myself who grew up attending the gatherings of God’s people from birth, babes in Christ provide a much-needed reminder that the kingdom of Christ is a pearl of great price.
Chantelle and I were blessed to get to know one such sister at a previous congregation we attended. She was so generous and so hospitable in addition to being so clearly zealous for the Lord. She had us into her home and even let us borrow her car on a couple of occasions. However, as a candle burns brightly before it burns out, this sister also “burned out” and stopped attending church.
After we and several others tried to reach out to her, she finally told one of the brethren a major factor in her decision to quit. She had observed the behavior of the older women of the congregation (who were long-standing members) and determined that she didn’t want to be in an environment where she might become like them as she too got older.
We are quick to garner encouragement from new converts; we are also quick to judge them if they leave. We can be especially harsh when we hear reasons for leaving like the one above. However, Jesus taught us to turn judgment inward before we turn it outward (Matthew 7:1-5). What can we learn from this sister?
Upon closer examination, this sister did two things that all of God’s people desperately need to do: 1) she thought about what she was becoming as she got older, and 2) she assumed that spiritual progress ought to apply to women as well as to men. My experience has been that if God’s people think about progress for anyone, it’s about making boys into elders. Can we say that we have given much thought about making girls into worthy widows?
Obviously, widowhood is not something that God’s people should strive for; inherent in widowhood is tragedy (I’ll say more about this later). However, the Bible speaks of widowhood as a reality some will have to endure and expects women who encounter that reality later in life to have prepared themselves to become worthy of not only the church’s admiration, but also its financial support. Let’s explore the text that lays out this expectation before considering some points of application.
Chantelle and I were blessed to get to know one such sister at a previous congregation we attended. She was so generous and so hospitable in addition to being so clearly zealous for the Lord. She had us into her home and even let us borrow her car on a couple of occasions. However, as a candle burns brightly before it burns out, this sister also “burned out” and stopped attending church.
After we and several others tried to reach out to her, she finally told one of the brethren a major factor in her decision to quit. She had observed the behavior of the older women of the congregation (who were long-standing members) and determined that she didn’t want to be in an environment where she might become like them as she too got older.
We are quick to garner encouragement from new converts; we are also quick to judge them if they leave. We can be especially harsh when we hear reasons for leaving like the one above. However, Jesus taught us to turn judgment inward before we turn it outward (Matthew 7:1-5). What can we learn from this sister?
Upon closer examination, this sister did two things that all of God’s people desperately need to do: 1) she thought about what she was becoming as she got older, and 2) she assumed that spiritual progress ought to apply to women as well as to men. My experience has been that if God’s people think about progress for anyone, it’s about making boys into elders. Can we say that we have given much thought about making girls into worthy widows?
Obviously, widowhood is not something that God’s people should strive for; inherent in widowhood is tragedy (I’ll say more about this later). However, the Bible speaks of widowhood as a reality some will have to endure and expects women who encounter that reality later in life to have prepared themselves to become worthy of not only the church’s admiration, but also its financial support. Let’s explore the text that lays out this expectation before considering some points of application.
1 Timothy 5:3-16
As the text opens, Paul encourages Timothy (and through Timothy, the church) to “Honor widows who are really widows” (1 Timothy 5:3). James encourages Christians “to visit [look after – HCSB]… widows” as a part of the practice of pure religion (James 1:27), but when Paul considers enrolling (v. 9, 11 – ASV, ESV) widows in a program of perpetual care, he tries to get Christians to think of widows beyond the common tragedy they have experienced.
In terms of her family: Does she have family that can be relied upon (v.4)? If so, she is not “left alone” and therefore not truly a widow in one sense of the word (v. 5). If her Christian family does not care for her (v. 16), they are worse than unbelievers (and ought to be subjected to church discipline) (v. 8). It is worth noting though that Paul describes widows who are worthy of support as having brought up children through good works, which possibly argues for there being something more to the honor/enrollment he commands than financial support.
In terms of her age: If a widow is under the age of 60 (v. 9), then Paul sees her as a younger widow (v. 11). Paul says younger widows will struggle with the temptation to “[live] in pleasure” (v. 6), to gossip (v. 13), or to marry again, something “enrolled” widows must not do (v. 11-12). Paul’s will for these younger women is to marry (v. 14) and avoid the fate of those who “have already turned aside after Satan” (v. 15). They too are not in Paul’s words, “really widows.”
In terms of her behavior: A widow is worthy of special honor for something much more important than her age or even her need. To put it simply, she has lived honorably before her husband died and is living that way now.
Before her husband died, she honored him as her one and only and is known for her devotion to him as “the wife of one man” (v. 9). She is also known for good works, first as relates to raising her children and second as relates to governing her home. Her home was always open to guests, and her hands were always full with works of service. She gave what she could to those who had need, and “devoted herself to every good work” (v. 10, ESV).
Now that her husband is gone, she has not lost her faith; if anything, she is more committed to God than ever and has a powerful habit of prayer (5). She is neither self-indulgent nor man crazy (v. 6, 11-12; yes, that does sometimes happen, even among older women) and doesn’t waste her time with sinful talk (v. 13). She devoted herself to good work before her husband died, and all signs point to her continuing to do so as she moves on from her loss (v. 10). This kind of woman is worthy of honor and support as long as she lives.
In terms of her family: Does she have family that can be relied upon (v.4)? If so, she is not “left alone” and therefore not truly a widow in one sense of the word (v. 5). If her Christian family does not care for her (v. 16), they are worse than unbelievers (and ought to be subjected to church discipline) (v. 8). It is worth noting though that Paul describes widows who are worthy of support as having brought up children through good works, which possibly argues for there being something more to the honor/enrollment he commands than financial support.
In terms of her age: If a widow is under the age of 60 (v. 9), then Paul sees her as a younger widow (v. 11). Paul says younger widows will struggle with the temptation to “[live] in pleasure” (v. 6), to gossip (v. 13), or to marry again, something “enrolled” widows must not do (v. 11-12). Paul’s will for these younger women is to marry (v. 14) and avoid the fate of those who “have already turned aside after Satan” (v. 15). They too are not in Paul’s words, “really widows.”
In terms of her behavior: A widow is worthy of special honor for something much more important than her age or even her need. To put it simply, she has lived honorably before her husband died and is living that way now.
Before her husband died, she honored him as her one and only and is known for her devotion to him as “the wife of one man” (v. 9). She is also known for good works, first as relates to raising her children and second as relates to governing her home. Her home was always open to guests, and her hands were always full with works of service. She gave what she could to those who had need, and “devoted herself to every good work” (v. 10, ESV).
Now that her husband is gone, she has not lost her faith; if anything, she is more committed to God than ever and has a powerful habit of prayer (5). She is neither self-indulgent nor man crazy (v. 6, 11-12; yes, that does sometimes happen, even among older women) and doesn’t waste her time with sinful talk (v. 13). She devoted herself to good work before her husband died, and all signs point to her continuing to do so as she moves on from her loss (v. 10). This kind of woman is worthy of honor and support as long as she lives.
Points of Application
This text offers many rich points for reflection. Rather than focusing on cultivating benevolent programs in local churches for the care of widows (which is a neglected and needed study), let’s consider what we as individuals can take from this text.
Some thoughts for everyone: Man’s plan for old age is retirement and enjoyment; it is a time to travel, enjoy grandchildren and family, and do whatever you couldn’t while you were working. However, the pattern for this period of life tends to play out as follows: a few good years of fun and freedom followed by a few years of frustration as the body fails and ultimately dies (Ecclesiastes 12:2-7). Man’s plan is incomplete and unrealistic at best, and at worst deepens the temptation towards depression we experience in old age. This text ought to serve as a reminder that God’s plan and man’s plan are not the same, and ought to motivate us to reconsider if we have bought into the wrong plan.
Some thoughts for widows: Sisters, you have each experienced a tragedy. God understands what you are going through – He lost a loved one too when Jesus died – and He cares about you deeply. There are references to you throughout the Bible; God has taken every step to ensure you will be provided for all the days of your life. This text is here to remind you that though you have lost the most precious and important person in your life, your life is not over; God still has a plan for you.
As hard as it might be to hear, God’s plan is for you to move on. Grief is like arthritis; the more you stay still, the harder it is to move. By all means, grieve; use the Psalms to work through the feelings of loss and abandonment you no doubt are experiencing. However, set your aim on moving on.
Moving on doesn’t look the same for everyone. Younger widows, you can see God’s plan for you in this text, can’t you? As hard as it might be for you to imagine giving your heart to someone else, as the old hymn says, “There’s nothing worse than being alone.” God doesn’t want you to be alone as you move forward. He doesn’t command you to marry again (1 Timothy 5:14; “desire” in the ASV), but He truly believes that it is what is best for you.
Older widows, God understands that you reach a point in life where starting over just isn’t an option. God still doesn’t want you to be alone. He designed His church with you in mind; there’s a work for you to do. God saw you as being just as worthy of regular support as a preacher or an elder, especially if your family is not willing or able to help you (1 Corinthians 9:14; 1 Timothy 5:3, 9; 5:17). Of course, you can pray (although you already know that – 1 Timothy 5:5), but I think God had more in mind for you than that. No one is supposed to eat without working (2 Thessalonians 3:10). It may very well be that this text envisions a reward for the abundant work you have done in the past. It may also be though that God wants you to take on a new work, perhaps in the counseling department of His church.
Widows (young and old), you know much about much about life. You’ve experienced the joy of the greatest union that exists on earth and the pain of losing that joy. Your experience is incredibly valuable, and I believe at least part of the future that God has planned for you involves using that experience to guide those younger than you through the tragedies they no doubt too will face. Older people generally have wisdom to impart, but the wisdom you’ve gained through experience is special and will allow you to connect with some in a way no one else can. I hope you will put your wisdom to use.
Some thoughts for widowers: Brothers, it’s possible that when you read passages like this you think that God has forgotten you. He hasn’t. Your grief is real, and you’re not meant to just swallow it and move on. Still, God knows that you know that she was created differently than you. You probably saw over and over again that while she was the fairer (and often wiser and more capable) sex, she was also the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). You know why God has gone to such lengths to care for her. That doesn’t mean you’re just meant to ignore this passage. Use this passage as a reminder if you need it: just as God had a plan for widows in the church, so too does He have a plan for you. If her experience is valuable, yours is too.
Some thoughts for wives: Sisters, I know the last thing in the world you want to think about is the possibility of your man going to be with God. However, it’s so important that you at least consider it and consider what kind of person you would be if that were to happen. The person you are becoming now is the person you will be then.
Wives, what are you doing today to ensure that you will be a woman of prayer who “trusts in God” when you are old (1 Timothy 5:5)? How are you preparing your children now to ensure they will care for you when you are older so they don’t deny God’s pattern of faith (v. 4, 8, 10, 16)? How are you preparing yourself not to live in pleasure (v. 6) or place any relationship above your relationship with Jesus (v. 11-12)? How are you preparing now to not be a gossip when you’ve got too much time on your hands (v. 13)? Are you devoted to husband? Is your home open to guests? Are your hands open to the afflicted? Is your heart set on good works?
There can be little doubt but that you will find the behavior required by these questions difficult and at times overwhelming. Don’t forget what this text is also teaching you – there is a wealth of knowledge and support available in older sisters who have lived well. You need these mothers (v. 2) as much as they need your love and support.
Some thoughts for husbands: Brothers, I know that you want to protect and provide for your family. In your heart of hearts, you probably feel as though you always will. The reality is though that if Christ does not return first, you will leave this earth and probably do so before your wife. Are you preparing your family now so that this separation is only a temporary one, so that there will be a reunion in heaven? Are you helping your wife to prepare for the future God wants for her once she’s alone?
Whether or not your wife raises faithful children who will honor her after your death is largely your responsibility (Ephesians 6:4). Further, what hope does she have to be devoted to you if you’re not devoted to her (1 Timothy 5:9)? To “[lodge] strangers” if you hate having guests over? To “relieve the afflicted” if you’re stingy or wasteful with the family’s money? To “diligently [follow] good works” if you’re barely paying attention during the Sunday morning announcements after worship (v. 10)?
By all means, take from this text that God wants you to help widows both in your blood family and in the church. But don’t forget that this text is also a reminder to you to help your wife become the woman God wants her to be.
Some thoughts for the young and unmarried: Brothers, look carefully at this passage. As you do so, remember, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing” (Proverbs 31:30). The kind of girl you want to marry is the kind of girl that is becoming this (1 Timothy 3:11 and Proverbs 31:10-31 might also help).
Sisters, look carefully at this passage. This is what you want to become. A good man can help you get there; a bad one can make becoming this incredibly difficult. Think about this passage (as well as 1 Timothy 3:1-10, 12-13; Titus 1:5-9) when thinking about a future husband.
Some thoughts for everyone: Man’s plan for old age is retirement and enjoyment; it is a time to travel, enjoy grandchildren and family, and do whatever you couldn’t while you were working. However, the pattern for this period of life tends to play out as follows: a few good years of fun and freedom followed by a few years of frustration as the body fails and ultimately dies (Ecclesiastes 12:2-7). Man’s plan is incomplete and unrealistic at best, and at worst deepens the temptation towards depression we experience in old age. This text ought to serve as a reminder that God’s plan and man’s plan are not the same, and ought to motivate us to reconsider if we have bought into the wrong plan.
Some thoughts for widows: Sisters, you have each experienced a tragedy. God understands what you are going through – He lost a loved one too when Jesus died – and He cares about you deeply. There are references to you throughout the Bible; God has taken every step to ensure you will be provided for all the days of your life. This text is here to remind you that though you have lost the most precious and important person in your life, your life is not over; God still has a plan for you.
As hard as it might be to hear, God’s plan is for you to move on. Grief is like arthritis; the more you stay still, the harder it is to move. By all means, grieve; use the Psalms to work through the feelings of loss and abandonment you no doubt are experiencing. However, set your aim on moving on.
Moving on doesn’t look the same for everyone. Younger widows, you can see God’s plan for you in this text, can’t you? As hard as it might be for you to imagine giving your heart to someone else, as the old hymn says, “There’s nothing worse than being alone.” God doesn’t want you to be alone as you move forward. He doesn’t command you to marry again (1 Timothy 5:14; “desire” in the ASV), but He truly believes that it is what is best for you.
Older widows, God understands that you reach a point in life where starting over just isn’t an option. God still doesn’t want you to be alone. He designed His church with you in mind; there’s a work for you to do. God saw you as being just as worthy of regular support as a preacher or an elder, especially if your family is not willing or able to help you (1 Corinthians 9:14; 1 Timothy 5:3, 9; 5:17). Of course, you can pray (although you already know that – 1 Timothy 5:5), but I think God had more in mind for you than that. No one is supposed to eat without working (2 Thessalonians 3:10). It may very well be that this text envisions a reward for the abundant work you have done in the past. It may also be though that God wants you to take on a new work, perhaps in the counseling department of His church.
Widows (young and old), you know much about much about life. You’ve experienced the joy of the greatest union that exists on earth and the pain of losing that joy. Your experience is incredibly valuable, and I believe at least part of the future that God has planned for you involves using that experience to guide those younger than you through the tragedies they no doubt too will face. Older people generally have wisdom to impart, but the wisdom you’ve gained through experience is special and will allow you to connect with some in a way no one else can. I hope you will put your wisdom to use.
Some thoughts for widowers: Brothers, it’s possible that when you read passages like this you think that God has forgotten you. He hasn’t. Your grief is real, and you’re not meant to just swallow it and move on. Still, God knows that you know that she was created differently than you. You probably saw over and over again that while she was the fairer (and often wiser and more capable) sex, she was also the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). You know why God has gone to such lengths to care for her. That doesn’t mean you’re just meant to ignore this passage. Use this passage as a reminder if you need it: just as God had a plan for widows in the church, so too does He have a plan for you. If her experience is valuable, yours is too.
Some thoughts for wives: Sisters, I know the last thing in the world you want to think about is the possibility of your man going to be with God. However, it’s so important that you at least consider it and consider what kind of person you would be if that were to happen. The person you are becoming now is the person you will be then.
Wives, what are you doing today to ensure that you will be a woman of prayer who “trusts in God” when you are old (1 Timothy 5:5)? How are you preparing your children now to ensure they will care for you when you are older so they don’t deny God’s pattern of faith (v. 4, 8, 10, 16)? How are you preparing yourself not to live in pleasure (v. 6) or place any relationship above your relationship with Jesus (v. 11-12)? How are you preparing now to not be a gossip when you’ve got too much time on your hands (v. 13)? Are you devoted to husband? Is your home open to guests? Are your hands open to the afflicted? Is your heart set on good works?
There can be little doubt but that you will find the behavior required by these questions difficult and at times overwhelming. Don’t forget what this text is also teaching you – there is a wealth of knowledge and support available in older sisters who have lived well. You need these mothers (v. 2) as much as they need your love and support.
Some thoughts for husbands: Brothers, I know that you want to protect and provide for your family. In your heart of hearts, you probably feel as though you always will. The reality is though that if Christ does not return first, you will leave this earth and probably do so before your wife. Are you preparing your family now so that this separation is only a temporary one, so that there will be a reunion in heaven? Are you helping your wife to prepare for the future God wants for her once she’s alone?
Whether or not your wife raises faithful children who will honor her after your death is largely your responsibility (Ephesians 6:4). Further, what hope does she have to be devoted to you if you’re not devoted to her (1 Timothy 5:9)? To “[lodge] strangers” if you hate having guests over? To “relieve the afflicted” if you’re stingy or wasteful with the family’s money? To “diligently [follow] good works” if you’re barely paying attention during the Sunday morning announcements after worship (v. 10)?
By all means, take from this text that God wants you to help widows both in your blood family and in the church. But don’t forget that this text is also a reminder to you to help your wife become the woman God wants her to be.
Some thoughts for the young and unmarried: Brothers, look carefully at this passage. As you do so, remember, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing” (Proverbs 31:30). The kind of girl you want to marry is the kind of girl that is becoming this (1 Timothy 3:11 and Proverbs 31:10-31 might also help).
Sisters, look carefully at this passage. This is what you want to become. A good man can help you get there; a bad one can make becoming this incredibly difficult. Think about this passage (as well as 1 Timothy 3:1-10, 12-13; Titus 1:5-9) when thinking about a future husband.
Conclusion
I hope this text has given each of us something to think about. Spiritual progress in the kingdom of Christ was never meant to be limited to men; women have something wonderful to strive for when they reach old age. From the ashes of the tragedy of death can rise the beauty of a woman who is worthy of honor, love, and support as long as she lives.
-Patrick Swayne
patrick@tftw.org
patrick@tftw.org
Posted in Bible Study, Christian Living
Posted in 1 Timothy 5, Widows, Widowhood, Women, Women in the Church, Women\\\'s Roles, Family, Marriage, Relationships
Posted in 1 Timothy 5, Widows, Widowhood, Women, Women in the Church, Women\\\'s Roles, Family, Marriage, Relationships
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